Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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