the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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