We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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