i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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