Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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