Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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