id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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