For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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