they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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