i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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