So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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