I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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