Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Swine flu is the new snow day.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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