Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize