I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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