I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
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do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
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On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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