All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I met the friendliest cop last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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