Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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