U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize