My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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