moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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