I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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