No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
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Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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