eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize