is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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