with your own penis?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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