when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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