things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This house was built for laser tag.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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