Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize