You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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