Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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