one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my liver is dry heaving
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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