I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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