The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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