I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize