I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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