i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just threw up on my dentist
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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