Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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