Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize