He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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