hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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