it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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