nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
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He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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