mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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