Betty ford says i'm here all night
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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