I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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