i think my tv is drunk
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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