i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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