I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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