You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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